This has been a stress filled week for our family. The background on this week will take a little explaining. In May of this year, my oldest son (32) was assaulted. He was sucker punched with brass knuckles. He was hit on the left side of the face and the blow knocked him out cold. He fell back on the pavement and.... well... his skull was fractured from the punch and the fall to the pavement. He was transported to the hospital and was admitted to ICU for a week. His brain was bleeding and swelling from the trauma. The neurosurgeon was managing his brain swelling with IV drugs as he wanted to avoid brain surgery. The drugs were working and after another week in the hospital, my son was released. His speech was affected for a short time as were his thought processes.
It took therapy and time for most everything to get back to normal. Now.... when we went to see the neurosurgeon for the last time, he told my son that he cannot drink alcohol. If so, the alcohol would have negative effects on his brain and his actions. Well, prior to this, my son lost his license due to a DUI. His second. Yes, he has an alcohol problem. All of which probably contributed to him being where he should not have been when he was assaulted.
With a DUI, especially your second one, you cannot drive for at least one year. Or, you cannot drive and get caught.... if you do you will violate your probation.
Wednesday night, my son called in a panic. He was being pulled over.... In the small town where he lives, the police will run tags for something to do. They ran his tag and discovered that the vehicle should not be on the road. He was going to jail. His sister and I bailed him out because of the extenuating circumstances. There was no alcohol involved. He was coming home from his sister's house, as he was babysitting for her. And he has mandatory counseling from the DUI the next day, AND the trial starts for the guy that assaulted him.
So, he is out on bail, he has notified his probation officer, and we expect him to be arrested again .... for violation of his probation (driving while having a suspended license) and he will have to do time because of the violation. It may be Monday, or the probation officer may wait until Friday, when son goes to check in with her at his appointed time.
He has had problems before the assault. He definitely has mental problems after the assault. His thought process is not like it use to be. He now agrees that he probably should see a psychiatrist for help with his issues. And we will see that he does go after he gets out of jail.
This is not what any mother wants for her child. We want them to be well, happy and secure. By his own choices he is where he is now. I am praying that he will make better choices in the future.
Financially, the bail set me back 1000.00 dollars. I have long term savings and that is where the money came from. Yep.... it is a lot of money, but he is my son. And if the word "enabler" comes to mind after you read this, I already know that I am definitely an "enabler". It is genetic.
I will keep you posted on the outcome of this adventure.
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9 comments:
I'm sorry to hear about all that's going on with your son, but glad he is recovering from the assault. Maybe he can get started on the counseling while he is in jail. Do they offer that?
Maybe you're an enabler, but I can't say I wouldn't do the same thing in the same situation.
Hugs and prayers to you.
Lisa my heart goes out to you. As a mother we can only do what we think is best at the time that something happens. If he is going to do some jail time anyways then why NOT be out on bail in the meantime. I don't think in this case you are enabling him - he is still going to have to pay the price for what he did. I don't think there's anything you can do about that. Unfortunately his problems are compounded by the head injury - he must be feeling overwhelmed right now, and I'm sure you feel the same way.
Keep posting - I think you are very courageous for sharing and in turn, we will be here for you as you are there for your son. Hugs.
Lisa I am so sorry to hear about your Son,s problems, and as you are a loving Mother then you are an enabler. There is not one of us who would do anything different for our kids.
Glad to hear that he is accepting that he needs some help, hopefully he gets it quickly.
My heart goes out to your family. I would probably have done the same thing. Wasn't thinking you were an enabler, was thinking your just a Mom.
Lisa,
I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. Once a mom, always a mom. It sounds like your son made some poor choices, but also he took some of his lumps already by beaten up. I didn't think you were enabling him either. $1,000.00 is alot, but in the scheme of things, PEOPLE first, then money. My prayers are with your family, and you. PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOU!!! You'll need the stamina to get your son through this.
oh dear, that is so stressful! no matter what kinds of strife they end up in you still love your kids, I'm glad that he is recovering from the assault, that sounds terrible!
take care and don't be hard on yourself, I'm sure your doing the best you can at the moment with everything that is happening.
You are an enabler, but you can't help it. You're a mom.
I would've done the same thing if it were my son.
I am grateful for your support ladies! Thank you so much.
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