At times I can hardly catch my breath. The stress of everything lately is taking it toll. I see myself walking around with a smile on my face like everything is okay, but deep down inside I am waiting for the other shoe to fall. The other shoe being that mom will end of in the hospital again, and when she gets out I will have to care for her full time.... or not. She definitely could do great for the long term and nothing will go wrong for a while. That would be wonderful!
Work is stressing me out, lately I hate driving to all the places they send me. Before, I was okay with it. Is it that we are getting busier or I really don't care? It could be all the driving. I drive an hour to work and then when I get there I drive all day and then after work I drive another hour home. Crazy, ain't it?
My other part time job (at the college) is stressful because I have to leave my other job early one day a week to be at the scanning lab on time so I can then work til 9 PM at night. What was I thinking? I don't know. Looking back, when I took this position, I had NO job so that plays a part in the decision process.
Today, we put cable in my mom's room that she is staying in while here. After the cable guys left, it stopped working and I was so frustrated that I wanted to scream. The customer service rep on the phone was too condescending and I practically hung up on her.
And.... how long will my mom be staying here with us? I am leaving that up to her. If and when she goes back to her house she will have to get a Life Alert necklace. But what if she decides to stay here? That will be stressing me out too.
I am so over all this drama and stress. I want to run away. You understand, don't you?
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6 comments:
Oh Lisa, I'm so sorry you are going through this. I can understand the anguish about your Mom, and then to work so many hours too. Maybe it's age, but I absolutely HATE driving now. I can't imagine having to drive all over for work.
Hang in there. It'll get better! {{hugs}}
Yep, I understand. Just went through a very stressful year in 2011-2012 and I was really starting to question if things would ever return to normal. They did... eventually (though i still feel like I am getting caught up from that time). Things will get less stressful for you too. Trust me. Enjoy the little things as much as you can now, and try not to focus on the big things. As for the work stress, I also teach at a college one night a week and also leave my full time job early to do so and don't get home until 9:30, so I feel your pain there! The extra money is nice, though, and I like the teaching and interactions with the students so I keep doing it. But I do have a couple days each week that I feel very, very tired! :)
(((Lisa))) This too shall pass... hang in there! You're in my prayers!
Sorry to hear about how stressful things are for you. I know it's cliche and it's probably the last thing you want to hear, but whenever I get in stressful situations, I always remind myself that I am supposed to be going through this experience as it is teaching me something and helping me to become a better, stronger person. It makes getting through the stress much easier.
I understand completely ((hugs)) being a carer is very stressful and there was a survey in Australia a few years ago showing that carers have some very high stress levels and also it has a big impact on the health of the carer.
take any help that is offered, if you can get any downtime for yourself do it, even if it's just 5-10 minutes here and there. keep connected to supportive friends.
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